Eight attacks today. The pain become so vivid I had to go home. Each attack was only a minute long, and they all struck after lunch. I had a cereal bar, a pack of raisins and a cheese sandwich for lunch. What’s so strange about that? I’ve eaten cheese sandwiches and raisins and cereal bars nearly all my life. I tried to explain it to my boss.
“It’s not always like this,” I said to her.
“That’s fine, you go get some rest,”
“There was nothing for weeks before this, something must have set it off. Normally I’m fine.”
“It’s OK.”
I wanted to explain to her that I wouldn’t keep doing this, that it was just a fluke, but she really didn’t seem to mind, she wasn’t paying attention to me. She had the air of someone who wanted to go back to what they were doing. I don’t know what she’d been doing, I think she was looking through someone’s personal file. Those personal files, they’re filled with everything about everyone who works here. They’re all kept together in massive, vertical filing vaults, locked. I asked where mine was and they told me I’m not allowed to see it. They have the results of drug tests and criminal background checks and reports from our psychiatrists and superiors.
I went home and took two sleeping pills. I had more attacks whilst I was asleep, but I could barely feel them in my dreams.
